The Question

How do you know??

Like, how do you know when you’re ready to have another…

Child, that is.

I think about it all the time and there are days where I’d give my right arm to get pregnant again and then there are days where I’m like, hell to the no, I’m good.

Believe me, I have many, many friends with multiple children and I have asked this question repeatedly.  They all basically say the same thing:

They shrug their shoulders and say “There will never be a perfect time. If you and your husband are ready, you just have to have a leap of faith that it works out, because it will.”

I mean, let’s be honest: my first pregnancy was called a “surprise” but not unwelcomed by any sense of the word. It was the biggest blessing of our lives.

Because of our son, we have grown deeper and become better people, I think.  Wyatt rules our world and we are so head over heels in love with him.

And my child is very…vocal.  He loves to talk and could probably talk your ear off.  He is hilarious and very inquisitive.  And he, too, is asking, “Mommy, I want a baby sister.”

Oh, seriously?  This almost two and a half year-old is requesting not only a sibling, but a girl.  Go figure.  Kids.  Hilarious.

I had a few hours to myself yesterday and boy, it was friggin’ fantastic.  I went to Starbucks.  I leisurely strolled around Home Goods. I visited my sister at work, bought some new CDs (Macklemore and Lana del Rey) and  headed to the huge mall by our house.  

I had the luxury of having two hands free and no cares in the world.  I strolled from aisle to aisle, having time to actually try on things if I wanted. I got to peruse and be a lady of leisure and let me just share…it didn’t suck.

I saw 32795020 pregnant women in the mall yesterday and I gave them an extra long look, whereas normally I don’t think anything of it.  

While I was eating my salad at the café, I saw a stroller with an itty bitty baby in it and tears came to my eyes.  That hasn’t happened in ages.

I don’t know if it’s hormones (probably yes) or a bit of sadness that my baby is now a legit toddler boy or the guilt I have thinking about how a second child would impact him.

And then all the damn hypotheticals:  ”What if Wyatt feels neglected?” “Will my bond with him lessen?” “Will he become jealous?” “Is this the right thing to do?” “Is this the wrong this to do?”  And so on.

I’m damn annoying sometimes, right? You should try being in my head. I annoy myself now and then.

I know there’s no such thing as “perfect” in anything. I get that.

I guess I just don’t know, but I do know that the thought of having a little babe that Wy could be the big brother of makes my heart overflow.  I know he would be awesome.  He is awesome.

I don’t know…but I am hoping that perhaps this could be, may be, possibly be…something that we seriously start to consider come fall.

(Because summer is for all the fun, road trips and Wyatt loving that we can give, obviously).

And wine.  There must be wine.

GATSBY

The Great Gatsby opens today!  I love Baz Luhrmann and his creativity and how vivid his films are.  They are visually stunning.

Plus, I've been streaming the Gatsby CD for weeks and it is so damn good.  Jay-Z, Emeli Sandé, Lana del Rey (a personal fave), Sia, Andre 3000...the list goes on.  If you are not listening to this, or haven't heard it yet, you must!

I liked it so much I purchased it and it's on repeat in my office on the daily.

I mean, get it already!  

I probably won't be able to see this until next week, but oh man, it will be worth it.  

Leonardo DiCaprio??  I mean...it's Leo.  He's so talented and gorgeous and great.

So basically, I cannot wait for F. Scott Fitzgerald's book to come to life with a Luhrmann spin.  It'll be great.

Love & Leonardo DiCaprio,

LC

May 3rd

Today I’m another year older. Hello, 32. I hope you’re a fun one!

I have had a banner good fantastic day!

-Woke up early to watch last night’s Scandal (so damn good)
-It is sunny and gorgeous and warm out
-Got my free birthday drink from Starbucks
-Had red velvet cupcakes waiting for me from one of my faves
-Was wished the happiest of days by some fabulous co-workers
-Received lovely texts, tweets and facebook posts
-Got treated to a breakfast birthday party with my dearest sweetest co-workers. 
-Cinnamon swirl coffee cake could easily be my favorite cake of choice
-My office mate took me to my favorite lunch spot—and treated me!
-I got a LOT of love today and I am so appreciative!!!
-I am having dinner with the family tonight at our favorite little Italian place that’s conveniently BYOB
-I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Today marks 5 years that my grandfather, my BFF, my father figure, role model, best pal, went to heaven and became my guardian angel.

He was, simply, the greatest. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him. But on today, especially, my heart swells because I know we’re connected and he’s watching over me and my family.

My son has my Pappy’s name as his middle name and his big blue eyes. It is my daily reminder of my Pap and it makes me the happiest.

Pap loved desserts more than anything.  He always thought dessert should be eaten first, just in case dinner isn’t that good. Why fill your belly with bad food when you can have sweets?

So, today, of all days, I will gladly share my red velvet cupcake with him, my hero, my gentle elephant (I used to call him that when I was little). 

Here’s hoping they have plenty of dessert in heaven.

I am so lucky and blessed to have a day like today. That even though he’s gone, he’s not.

He’s with me. 

And I will celebrate this day and every day in honor of him.

Cupcakes for everyone!

LOVE & LAYER CAKE,

LC

(*written yesterday--just forgot to post)

The Waiting Game

I went to get my Brian MRI with contrast yesterday. I was also amazed that they had any appointments, but they did and that was relieving.

I got there early to complete a bunch of paperwork.  It was very matter of fact and to the point.  No warm and fuzzies, but I mean, that's not their job.  

I laid down on the bed, they put a nice warm blanket on me, told me about the procedure and they'd be telling me about how long each "session" would be, like 1 minute, 1 1/2 minutes, etc. They also gave me earplugs and asked what radio station I wanted to listen to. I figure, "Hmmm, a loud nap."

I shut my eyes and tried to go to my happy place.  They periodically checked in on me and I was fine. My eyes were shut (mainly because hello, MRI's are basically like mechanical versions of caskets).  I was thinking of the funny things that Wyatt says and I was giggling to myself and jamming out to Macklemore.

I was then taken out for the contrast part of the MRI and put back in.

As told by WebMD: The MRI can show tissue damage or disease, such as infection, inflammation, or a tumor. Information from an MRI can be saved and stored on a computer for more study. Photographs or films of certain views can also be made. In some cases, a dye (contrast material) may be used during the MRI to show pictures of structures more clearly. The dye may help show blood flow, look for some types of tumors, and show areas of inflammation.

And now, my favorite part of the game...WAITING.

Oh, I'm just a peach at this.  I have the patience of a toddler in a tantrum.

And I also tend to babble because I'm so dang nervous.  While I'm hoping it's something so simple and easily remedied, I just want to know.

Plus, waiting for your phone to ring sends me back to the days of dating when you soooooo want the cute boy you like to call you and you just stare at your phone like by osmosis it'll actually ring and actually be him.

I'm now doing that with my iPhone.  Any distractions are welcome!

Thanks for listening.  You're the best.  

Love & Lattes,

LC

A Diagnosis...

I have been in physical pain for over 8 months. The pain is in my head. I wake up EVERY SINGLE MORNING with the absolute worst headache I have ever experienced. It is like my head is in a vice and been pushed in.

In the beginning, I told myself it was stress. I was unhappy at work, it was super stressful, I was going on interviews and planning a huge event. I just chalked it up to that. Or that I didn’t get enough sleep. I then would sleep longer and I was still in excruciating pain.

I would go through the day and while headache medicine would dull the ache, the pain never really goes away.

I then thought after my work event, I would magically be pain free.

Very wrong. The pain kicks me in the temples every single morning and it makes waking up my least favorite thing. And another strange thing is that right before bed, my head kicks into pain mode again.

I am not a fan of constantly taking medicine and my whole theory of it disappearing after event was bogus. Thus, I went to my doctor on Friday.

Of course I drove myself a bit crazy and googled my symptoms. Dumb. Scary. Dumb thing to do.

I thought maybe it was a food allergy or caused by something random. I didn’t want to say,” Oh maybe I have something going on in my brain.”. I didn’t have to say that though because, well, my doctor did. He said,” I find it troublesome that your headaches are worse in the morning and that they are every single day. “. Cool.

He asked me a myriad of questions and I was brutally honest about everything. About how the pain sometimes is so awful my vision goes blurry. That I have cried the pain almost seems unbearable That a few times the pain was so bad in my head that it woke me from sleep. That I am nauseous several days a week and when my head hurts wicked bad, I don’t eat. How I avoided caffeine thinking it would help. How I drank caffeine thinking it would help. Same with wine.

Nothing. The pain is still so fucking real and present.

The doctor requested I get a brain MRI. I have to call tomorrow to see if I can go tomorrow afternoon. I just wanna know what the hell is going on.

Let’s be real…I am scared shitless. Should I jump to conclusions? Nope. Did my Googling scare the shit out of me? You bet.

But I need answers now. I have a sweet two year-old that looks up to me and wants me to be around so now I am going to stop at nothing to found out what is literally stabbing my temples every single day.

Here is hoping it is a bizarre allergy or something that simple.

And if you have a chance to perhaps just send a good thought or two my way, I would be so indebted and grateful.

I am scared. Yes. I said it. I don’t wanna go to the dark place of what my gut is saying it could be.

I will just have to wait. And hopefully the pain will soon be gone in some way or another.

Hopefully.

BOSTON

To all those in Boston/Watertown/Surrounding areas,

Stay safe. You are in our hearts, thoughts and prayers.

May this young man be apprehended and soon.

We love you.

XOXO,

LC

HANNIBAL

Is anyone watching Hannibal on NBC?

Holy crap. It’s so terrifying and my heart races and yet, it’s psychologically fascinating. And the actor playing Hannibal gives me the heebie jeebies.

For real.

This show is a MUST WATCH. NOW.

Love & Cannibals,

LC

It's April...How did that happen?

- This is the next 9 days of my life. All work and no play. So.much.to.do.

- The moment the event is over, I swear I will feel like a sea lion has been lifted off of me. I will do the happiest dance of my life. I am ready for it to be here, to go well and frankly, for it to be done.

- Easter was fun with Wy. My husband had to work, but Wy and I had a lovely time at church and with my family. Lunch was delicious and apple pie for everyone! Everything is better with pie. Wyatt also loved the easter egg hunt in our house and shaking each egg saying, "I think there's something in there." It was so cute.

- I had a scary event on Saturday night after dinner with Wy and my father. I was carrying Wy up our outside stairs and lost my footing. Luckily, I managed to get Wy safe and on his feet and fell HARD on my left knee. I knew the moment it hit, my jeggings were ripped open, my foot scraped the entire pavement and once I stood, I realized there was blood dripping down. Lots of blood.  Oh fun.  I was just so relieved that Wy was fine. My knee would be fine, just glad Wy was all good and well.

- My darling friend is coming to work today to help me out with my ad book because she's an English teacher and she's so witty and fun. It'll make the time fly by...with lots of laughs in between.

**AN OLD POST FROM APRIL 4**